November 4th, 2004 (new stuff?)

I don't know, just got this itchy feeling to write. Listenin to some Led and loving it! It has been a long time since rock and roll. Simpler days. Sitting on my porch on the four lane listening to my cd player. Ah, the cd player. My escape...my future. I could put on the headphones, crank up the music, and not have a care in the world. No friends then, no worries, and no stupid people. Drifting in and out of days with music. Edgy all the way down to soft and mellow. Thinking about girls, what I want to do with my life, and how to daydream. A lot of bands were discovered there. Man, I miss those simpler times. I could turn on the SNES and get lost in an RPG. Everyone acted like my friend but no one gave a damn. I could deal with it. I didn't need friends. If I was upset I would go out back and use a slingshot to launch rocks down the street. If you hit a car you got bonus points. I could do whatever back at my old apartment. I could climb out on the roof and just chill watching the sky go by or paint on my wall because no one had to live up there but me. I was sure I was going to be there forever. God I miss those days. Dreaming about the day I would go over to the SQUARE and hang out with my brother and all the cool people. Then I would "be in" I dreamnt about it a lot...to grow up and realize I didn't want it. I would rather still be the dreamer than the worker. Some days I think what if I just ran away, started fresh. Probably wouldn't solve anything. Same problems different place. Day by day scraping together. (As Blue Monday starts to play) "How does it feel, How should I feel?" good lyrics...I offer a handsome randsom to any person who can answer the question......

What a hell of a closing thought. How should I feel was the question I've been asking myself for the last 5 years at least. I've been very selfish and not really caring about anyone. That's not really true though, I've been caring about everyone I could and eventually spread myself thin. People disappointed me and I got past it, hell I've disappointed my fair share of people as well. Finally found the one person that makes me happy and nothing else like that matter. It was wonderful to remember what it actually was like back in high school. I think about it from time to time...but never immerse myself in the thought like I was able to do with this post. Almost ten years past and still a dreamer rather than a worker. I am more artistic day by day and seems to be what keeps me going day to day. The 'CD Player' has become something much more in my life and has expanded to live music. Its what fills my battery up and keeps me charged, I'd just be a shell without it. When I need to escape inside my head I just drive around...lose myself in my own thoughts...I have a handful of great friends but only a couple best friends. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my closest friends right now...