November 19th, 2004 (New Career Goals!)

You know what I wanna be? A fucking pro wrestler. I'd be fucking badass too. Just stealing everybodys signature move and when the get up in my face i knock they ass' out beeyotch! I'd be so fucking cool. Me and the Rock would team up and I'd double cross him before he even thought about doing it to me. Rock BOTTOM BEEYOTCH!!! Top rope negras. He'd be out for a week. None, of this hoopala running around crap. Straight muscles and balls.
You know, no one does say "When I grow up, I want to be a junkie" probably because no one ever wants to be aaron haugland. Piece of shit white trash. You know what fucking kicks ass? Hitting the damn snooze alarm 7 times. Didn't have to go at seven today so i got an extra hour. Man, that's bitching!

I was going to skip this one, but after having a talk with one of my best friends he is deciding this is actually what he wants to do. I was completely bullshitting when I wrote this one and a few of my friends I worked with went crazy over this post. They know it's all scripted, yet they believe that it's all real...I don't understand it at all :P Bitching about work...I wish I still had those weekly paychecks but glad I don't have to do the grunt work. Aaron Haugland was a friend who I held a grudge against for a long time...but we are friends once again. I was pretty fucking harsh to him and finally realized life was too short to dwell on pety things. Loving the direction my life is heading at the moment...Everything is falling into place lovely and we are only 3 months into 2011. Hell, this last 4 months have been the best of my entire life. I know so really fantastic people! Life is starting to shift though, not for better or worse, just different. I need to take some time to slowdown but am afraid that when I do, I won't be able to get back on the train...Time leads us on crazy journeys. Finally found the words to say to an Ex tonight and she is happy for me. We will see how long that lasts because she is slightly crazy too. I'll still be here tomorrow and the day after that...update tomorrow...

November 14th, 2004 (Thiefs in the night...)

So, would your friends go into your house, take something that didn't belong to them, and not tell you? Real nice friends huh? They don't see you for awhile and when they make it to town you break all plans in hopes of hanging out with them...to not have them call or even ask you if you want to hang out with them. A bunch of fucking hipocrits.
"I never hang out with you when I'm in town because you are always playing poker" (no one ever tells me when they are coming home, some of them say they are and then just stay at their dorms and drink, and others you don't find out unless their parents come into the store) SO I learn the are in town so I break all plans so I can make time for them to hang out...to get nothing. No call or anything. Instead they are consumed by something else and can't make time for other people...
Maybe none of us are friends anymore...
What if we have drifted so far apart that we can't even be friends anymore? We rarely talk to each other anymore. Most of us can't even say hi to the other people's faces anymore...

I really don't even care anymore. I set up another Live account for MYSELF and Jake thinks its his. So in the middle of the night instead of coming out and chilling a few went to my place and took my account. I didn't know this so I went back home with a few friends and got on LIVE. To screw around a bit and get kicked off because someone signed in as me. Fucking bullshit. Not only that, the cherry on the top was someone calling and telling me I CAN'T get on MY account. What kind of shit is that? Fuck this. I don't even care anymore. They don't even think they did anything wrong. Who's code was used for the account? Noah's. Who's credit card is linked to the account? Noah's. Who's address and everything else is linked with the account? NOAH'S. So excuse me if I am a little upset. Piss off.

This was a night that sticks out in my mind. A few great friends at the time betrayed me, or what felt like betrayal at the time. My ego clouded my judgement and since they hadn't called me (and I hadn't picked up the phone, since they didn't work both ways back then), I had found something else to do in spite of them. It was just miscommunication on all accounts but for the longest time I held a grudge. If they had just called and said, "Hey, we are going to play and could we use your account?" I would have been perfectly fine with it. Hell, I don't even have anything to really steal anymore. The only material things I really own is my dvd collection and my '87 Conversion Van, Odin. The van got hit last weekend and I was upset for a little bit over it, but then got over it. I think about this night because me and my best friend had a falling out last night. I don't even know how he took and misconstrued my words around and twisted them to make me sound like a real asshole. He then called me and yelled at me. Trying to help out all kinds of friends, sometimes the King gets in the crossfire from day-to-day living...Times They Are A Changin'...

November 4th, 2004 (Religion...why may I ask?)

Alright, if you know me well enough you know I don't believe in it at all. I'm not against it at all it's just not for me. How is it that in all the problems you look to the stars and hope that something is going to go for the better. I think its bullshit. It's a way to beat around the bush. If something goes wrong...someone hates you or "it's for the better." If it goes right...i guess it is meant to be. wrong. You control what happens. Good or bad. Life can be a bitch. Throw it into 4th gear, rev the RPMs a little and keep going. You make the difference. Don't rely on something else to get the job done. Only you can change what is set before you. Maybe someday someone will make me believe something but it's a long shot. I can't believe...

Yeah, another post from the same day. Seems like it came from about a half hour after the last one. What a collection of wild thoughts. I know I believed this with every bit of myself but now I've changed. Who's to say what is right. This past year I've come to find out that things will work out, everything seems to get to the place it was heading. I think we still have control of HOW we get there, but we will get there like planned. There have been too many coincidences and crossing of paths for me not to believe. I've been more helpless and trying to have some sort of control this past year and have just had to 'go with the flow'. Everything has worked out, no one died, and everything is going better than well! I used to not want to have any control whatsoever, but now I'm seeing that 'I'm a king' or a leader. I should be too. I know what needs to be done and now it's just a matter of getting the power behind it. To know what it's taken to get here and to have the faith to know everything will work out in the end is a great bit of knowledge and experience I wouldn't trade for anything. Really hoping to update this a lot more often...have been crazy busy lately...but I'll find the time...

November 4th, 2004 (new stuff?)

I don't know, just got this itchy feeling to write. Listenin to some Led and loving it! It has been a long time since rock and roll. Simpler days. Sitting on my porch on the four lane listening to my cd player. Ah, the cd player. My escape...my future. I could put on the headphones, crank up the music, and not have a care in the world. No friends then, no worries, and no stupid people. Drifting in and out of days with music. Edgy all the way down to soft and mellow. Thinking about girls, what I want to do with my life, and how to daydream. A lot of bands were discovered there. Man, I miss those simpler times. I could turn on the SNES and get lost in an RPG. Everyone acted like my friend but no one gave a damn. I could deal with it. I didn't need friends. If I was upset I would go out back and use a slingshot to launch rocks down the street. If you hit a car you got bonus points. I could do whatever back at my old apartment. I could climb out on the roof and just chill watching the sky go by or paint on my wall because no one had to live up there but me. I was sure I was going to be there forever. God I miss those days. Dreaming about the day I would go over to the SQUARE and hang out with my brother and all the cool people. Then I would "be in" I dreamnt about it a lot...to grow up and realize I didn't want it. I would rather still be the dreamer than the worker. Some days I think what if I just ran away, started fresh. Probably wouldn't solve anything. Same problems different place. Day by day scraping together. (As Blue Monday starts to play) "How does it feel, How should I feel?" good lyrics...I offer a handsome randsom to any person who can answer the question......

What a hell of a closing thought. How should I feel was the question I've been asking myself for the last 5 years at least. I've been very selfish and not really caring about anyone. That's not really true though, I've been caring about everyone I could and eventually spread myself thin. People disappointed me and I got past it, hell I've disappointed my fair share of people as well. Finally found the one person that makes me happy and nothing else like that matter. It was wonderful to remember what it actually was like back in high school. I think about it from time to time...but never immerse myself in the thought like I was able to do with this post. Almost ten years past and still a dreamer rather than a worker. I am more artistic day by day and seems to be what keeps me going day to day. The 'CD Player' has become something much more in my life and has expanded to live music. Its what fills my battery up and keeps me charged, I'd just be a shell without it. When I need to escape inside my head I just drive around...lose myself in my own thoughts...I have a handful of great friends but only a couple best friends. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my closest friends right now...